The Bible does not specifically address
this topic, but it does give us insight into what
we should seek in a potential spouse. The first,
and best, advice is to pray about it. God will
give wisdom and guidance if you ask for it. “If
any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God,
who gives generously to all without finding fault,
and it will be given to him” ( James 1:5 ).
“Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For
what do righteousness and wickedness have in
common? Or what fellowship can light have with
darkness?” ( 2 Corinthians 6:14 ). The first
question to ask is, whether the potential spouse
is devoted to God. If he/she is not, they should
not be considered for a potential spouse. On the
other hand, just because one follows Christ,
does not make them the right choice. Being
“equally yoked” can also go deeper than just “Is
he/she a Christian?” There are many different
beliefs in Christianity, and this should be taken
into account when choosing a potential spouse.
Consider what marriage would be like with this
person. Are your beliefs close enough to the
same that you can agree to teach your children
the same doctrines? This is of the greatest
importance.
For men, it’s important to look at what a
Christian wife is supposed to be. “Wives, submit
to your husbands as to the Lord. For the
husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the
head of the church, His body, of which He is
the savior. Now as the church submits to Christ,
so also wives should submit to their husbands in
everything” ( Ephesians 5:22-24 ). Paul tells us
that a wife is to be submissive to her husband,
out of love. This does not necessarily mean that
the girl you are considering a relationship with
should submit wholly to you, but rather she
should not be rebellious, but should submit
herself to her father out of love. She should be
willing to be led. Proverbs 31:10-31 tells us
what the “wife of noble character” is like. She
is hard working, generous and charitable, strong,
and wise. You may not be able to find all of
these traits in one person, but these are
desirable traits and pleasing to God.
Another scripture describing a wife that is
pleasing to God is 1 Peter 3:1-4 : “Wives, in the
same way be submissive to your husbands so
that if any of them do not believe the word, they
may be won over without words by the behavior
of their wives, when they see the purity and
reverence of your lives. Your beauty should not
come from outward adornment, such as braided
hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine
clothes. Instead it should be that of your inner
self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet
spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.”
This tells us that a woman should be pure and
living for Christ so that they can win a lost
husband over without words. It also indicates
that she should not be as concerned about
outward appearances as she is about her
spiritual life.
For women, there are a few illustrations of what
a Christian husband is to be. Although the
person you are considering a relationship with is
not your husband, you should look for qualities
that display this kind of love in the person.
“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved
the church and gave Himself up for her to make
her holy, cleansing her by the washing with
water through the word, and to present her to
himself as a radiant church, without stain or
wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and
blameless” ( Ephesians 5:25-27 ). Is he loving? Is
he willing to lead people toward Christ, and help
them to be holy and blameless? Is he a leader?
A man should love God above all else and be
willing to help his brothers and sisters in Christ
to strive to be holy and pleasing to God. He
should be humble, wise, and merciful, just as
Christ was. Watch for these qualities in a man,
because this is what is pleasing to God.
You will not find a “perfect” person with all of
these qualities, but God will let you see if
someone you are considering a relationship with,
is striving to be pleasing to Him. Just as with
any other big decision in life, relationships
should be treated with caution, wisdom, and
handled with discernment and much prayer.
Source: GotQuestions
